Healing through Art

"Winter Bud" 9/15/14

Art has been my salvation during my depressed years from high school to college. I could not directly express what was happening inside me at that time. However, from writing poetry, painting, dancing free-form, and humming a song to making a collage, doing recycled art, playing a little bit of piano & drums, and baking; somehow the silenced parts of me found their voice through these forms even if I am not talented in these areas. I wrote phrases & words that fit closely to my thoughts & feelings, which I did not understand myself at that time; closed my eyes and danced alone to a melody I could resonate to; splashed colors at random and found their form on paper, cloth, or clay; spontaneously cut words & pictures putting them together as if a puzzle has been completed; baked a comforting sweet; sang in my room even when I was out of tune; played “Canon” on the organ even if it was not perfect; and just banged the drums to the intro of “Green Tinted ‘60’s Mind” then shifted to the chorus of “Selling the Drama” even when my drumming was broken & indiscriminate. Doing these activities were not only cathartic, but also fulfilling, as if in those moments my soul was free from the confines of Depression.

Maturugen ni Kai…

Moonshine 9/14/14

“Goodnight moon
Goodnight sky”

Maturugen ni Kai...

“Skype... Goodnight uncle
Goodnight auntie

Goodnight uncle bangir
Baba ta... kiss ni lolo
Kiss ni lola skype”

Agiddan ijay kama
Ngem inhabol na,

“Kiss pay ni pusa ijay libro
Kiss ni Teddy,
Kiss ni Lily,
Kiss ni iguana,
Kiss ni moo,
Goodnight pay Bonsai ken Bansai jay ruwar
Goodnight pay stars
Goodnight pay clouds"

"Awan jay sun” 

Nagawid jay init

“Awan jay moon”
Napan naturog jay bulan

Intan metten maturog ijay kwarto

Lemrem (Storm)

Lotus Storm 9/2010

Uchan uchan

Engka linisan nan chanum

Kaanem nan fato

Ilayos mo nan luta

Fakashem nan tinuon mi’y finalfalitok

Angnem nan baru ay inkawisan mi

Uray nalayos am-in nan payeo

Et nu masheyep ka’t

Fumangon nan kimat

Ta ena sibfukan nan nanab-er ay filig

Awni et tumufo nan pangil ay engkami araen

Tapnu wad-ay sibfuan mi sinan maschem

Nu ngumato nan chawwang

Ena fesh kasiwen nan congoan

Tapnu inkiyat nan futog as chanum

Ay mang-unod as nan tukfifi

Umali nan chakem

Et in-uwesh kami ay mang-iila as nan furan

Ta’y sip-okan mi nan nenem-nemen mi

Ay namnama ay mitayab id chaya…

--- Kunay/ August 7, 2014

Translation:

Rain, rain...  Clear the waters, carry away the rocks, wash away the soil, break all the golden towers we've made. Lead us to a better way.

Though fields are washed out, lightning will awaken to further feed a wet land as you sleep. Mushrooms will grow for us to harvest & eat upon dusk.

When the river rises, floods will break pens and pigs will swim following the stars.
When strong winds come, we crawl into our blankets as we watch the moon in silence as we blow all our hopes toward Heaven...

DEATH ROW

My tag says 70,861… three more and I’m next
I, born out of rape – my mother, helpless for she was chained
At birth, taken away from her and imprisoned in a battery pen
I wasn’t alone
There were others like me, stolen from their mothers
For weeks I hear her bellowing for me
But I could only cry back longing for her snuggle
I could only imagine the taste of her milk,
Which I was forbidden to drink
I could still remember her smell
And how she talked to me while I was still in her womb
She always told me, ‘Be brave my child just like your siblings who were long gone’
I didn’t know why, but now I understand – for I’ll be born in this hell…