Smelling Flowers...

"Stop and the smell the flowers" is an old quote, and for my child, he took that to another level --- "Stop and smell All the flowers..." I had two tasks lined up for the day when we went out. Reaching down town, my mind was nailed to finishing the first chore on my list. However, while walking along Harrison road to reach our first destination, my son stopped at every flower stall to smell all the flowers in each bucket. After which, still not satisfied, he ran off to search for more flowers.

So he did find flower plots along the fenced sidewalk, and he had to stop and smell them too.

Eye to Eye

I do not anymore define success by means of a degree or a profession or my earning or other accomplishments to be rewarded of.

Right now, the feeling of triumph occurs when my kid is able to finish his meal without a negotiation, or take a nap without a fight, or go through a day without a tantrum.

These are my daily successes now:

To cook his meal while he's asleep;
To do the laundry without him pulling the cords and clothes' line;
To wash the dishes without him flooding the kitchen floor;
To bake & frost a cake without his hand on the flour or the cream; and
To deliver orders with him on one arm and a cake on the other...

Healing through Art

"Winter Bud" 9/15/14

Art has been my salvation during my depressed years from high school to college. I could not directly express what was happening inside me at that time. However, from writing poetry, painting, dancing free-form, and humming a song to making a collage, doing recycled art, playing a little bit of piano & drums, and baking; somehow the silenced parts of me found their voice through these forms even if I am not talented in these areas. I wrote phrases & words that fit closely to my thoughts & feelings, which I did not understand myself at that time; closed my eyes and danced alone to a melody I could resonate to; splashed colors at random and found their form on paper, cloth, or clay; spontaneously cut words & pictures putting them together as if a puzzle has been completed; baked a comforting sweet; sang in my room even when I was out of tune; played “Canon” on the organ even if it was not perfect; and just banged the drums to the intro of “Green Tinted ‘60’s Mind” then shifted to the chorus of “Selling the Drama” even when my drumming was broken & indiscriminate. Doing these activities were not only cathartic, but also fulfilling, as if in those moments my soul was free from the confines of Depression.

Just Love…

Back in college, first day in school as a freshman, instructors would always ask, “Why did you choose this course?” Before Psychology, there was another course lingering in my mind since third grade – Veterinary Medicine. I took Psychology for several reasons, but there was one reason I didn’t openly express at that time. In senior high school, I asked the question, “Do laboratory subjects require you to kill an animal for study and experiments?” And with the answer I got back then, I decided to take Psychology instead. Yet, even in my chosen course, I didn’t expect to deal with Zoology and Anatomy & Physiology subjects that obliged us to skin & pin a frog alive. I just stayed at the background with my heart bleeding while my group mates did the dismantling of the helpless frog.