A Love Story 2

Early morning cuddles

Legs intertwined

Arms on each other's back

Shoulder to shoulder

Your body wrestling mine

Whispering as you tenderly gaze, 

"agsubli ka nga nalawag pay"

Hearing you breathe

The smell of tender hair on my face

Your little hands in between my hair

Whining as I leave, 

"umayak mama..."

---Kunay

*translation: 1) "come back while the sun is still up"

                     2) "let me come with you mama..."

Smelling Flowers...

"Stop and the smell the flowers" is an old quote, and for my child, he took that to another level --- "Stop and smell All the flowers..." I had two tasks lined up for the day when we went out. Reaching down town, my mind was nailed to finishing the first chore on my list. However, while walking along Harrison road to reach our first destination, my son stopped at every flower stall to smell all the flowers in each bucket. After which, still not satisfied, he ran off to search for more flowers.

So he did find flower plots along the fenced sidewalk, and he had to stop and smell them too.

Luglug, Ludalod...

9/10/2016

Luglug, Ludalod my child.
Play with water and tumble in dirt.
Wet clothes can dry and dirty clothes can be washed.
Messy hands can be cleaned and you can clothe yourself in endless soap suds while you gleam.

Go anak... make a splash from that puddle of rain.
Catch those raindrops with your cupped little hands.
Make mountains and balls from sand & mud.
Build towers & fortresses with rocks, stones, and sticks.
Pretend they're all jewels from a distant moon or fallen stars from the sky.

Eye to Eye

I do not anymore define success by means of a degree or a profession or my earning or other accomplishments to be rewarded of.

Right now, the feeling of triumph occurs when my kid is able to finish his meal without a negotiation, or take a nap without a fight, or go through a day without a tantrum.

These are my daily successes now:

To cook his meal while he's asleep;
To do the laundry without him pulling the cords and clothes' line;
To wash the dishes without him flooding the kitchen floor;
To bake & frost a cake without his hand on the flour or the cream; and
To deliver orders with him on one arm and a cake on the other...

Where is Hell?...

                                                             

In homes,

     where families fight and kill each other
     where husbands & wives blame each other
     where children are yelled at & ignored
     where abuse happens in the darkest corners of the house & a child is sworn into agonizing secrecy...

In hospitals,
     where the sick struggle to survive
     where babies beg for their lives
     where the dying hope for light in their next life...

In wars,
     where innocents are raped & burned alive
     where soldiers, rebels, and terrorists accuse each other as enemies
     where lifeless bodies are scattered along the streets and underneath the rubble...

Until...

"Into the Void..." - Kunay 2/2015

Like a fleeting leaf
I float with the swirling wind;

In the depths of the night
when the air freezes,
I'll be on a leafless branch
knocking at your window to let me in;

As your stubby hands unlock
the window knobs when you peek,
Like a breeze I'll wrap you whole and
kiss you
as if a frozen raindrop landed on your cheek;

Yet ice is always cold...
But I'll be a frozen fire enclosed in hale,
As the drop lands on your lips,
your touch will melt me
And you'll feel me
hugging you again...

--- Kunay 11/2013

Healing through Art

"Winter Bud" 9/15/14

Art has been my salvation during my depressed years from high school to college. I could not directly express what was happening inside me at that time. However, from writing poetry, painting, dancing free-form, and humming a song to making a collage, doing recycled art, playing a little bit of piano & drums, and baking; somehow the silenced parts of me found their voice through these forms even if I am not talented in these areas. I wrote phrases & words that fit closely to my thoughts & feelings, which I did not understand myself at that time; closed my eyes and danced alone to a melody I could resonate to; splashed colors at random and found their form on paper, cloth, or clay; spontaneously cut words & pictures putting them together as if a puzzle has been completed; baked a comforting sweet; sang in my room even when I was out of tune; played “Canon” on the organ even if it was not perfect; and just banged the drums to the intro of “Green Tinted ‘60’s Mind” then shifted to the chorus of “Selling the Drama” even when my drumming was broken & indiscriminate. Doing these activities were not only cathartic, but also fulfilling, as if in those moments my soul was free from the confines of Depression.

Maturugen ni Kai…

Moonshine 9/14/14

“Goodnight moon
Goodnight sky”

Maturugen ni Kai...

“Skype... Goodnight uncle
Goodnight auntie

Goodnight uncle bangir
Baba ta... kiss ni lolo
Kiss ni lola skype”

Agiddan ijay kama
Ngem inhabol na,

“Kiss pay ni pusa ijay libro
Kiss ni Teddy,
Kiss ni Lily,
Kiss ni iguana,
Kiss ni moo,
Goodnight pay Bonsai ken Bansai jay ruwar
Goodnight pay stars
Goodnight pay clouds"

"Awan jay sun” 

Nagawid jay init

“Awan jay moon”
Napan naturog jay bulan

Intan metten maturog ijay kwarto

Lemrem (Storm)

Lotus Storm 9/2010

Uchan uchan

Engka linisan nan chanum

Kaanem nan fato

Ilayos mo nan luta

Fakashem nan tinuon mi’y finalfalitok

Angnem nan baru ay inkawisan mi

Uray nalayos am-in nan payeo

Et nu masheyep ka’t

Fumangon nan kimat

Ta ena sibfukan nan nanab-er ay filig

Awni et tumufo nan pangil ay engkami araen

Tapnu wad-ay sibfuan mi sinan maschem

Nu ngumato nan chawwang

Ena fesh kasiwen nan congoan

Tapnu inkiyat nan futog as chanum

Ay mang-unod as nan tukfifi

Umali nan chakem

Et in-uwesh kami ay mang-iila as nan furan

Ta’y sip-okan mi nan nenem-nemen mi

Ay namnama ay mitayab id chaya…

--- Kunay/ August 7, 2014

Translation:

Rain, rain...  Clear the waters, carry away the rocks, wash away the soil, break all the golden towers we've made. Lead us to a better way.

Though fields are washed out, lightning will awaken to further feed a wet land as you sleep. Mushrooms will grow for us to harvest & eat upon dusk.

When the river rises, floods will break pens and pigs will swim following the stars.
When strong winds come, we crawl into our blankets as we watch the moon in silence as we blow all our hopes toward Heaven...

DEATH ROW

My tag says 70,861… three more and I’m next
I, born out of rape – my mother, helpless for she was chained
At birth, taken away from her and imprisoned in a battery pen
I wasn’t alone
There were others like me, stolen from their mothers
For weeks I hear her bellowing for me
But I could only cry back longing for her snuggle
I could only imagine the taste of her milk,
Which I was forbidden to drink
I could still remember her smell
And how she talked to me while I was still in her womb
She always told me, ‘Be brave my child just like your siblings who were long gone’
I didn’t know why, but now I understand – for I’ll be born in this hell…

Stellar Dust

Born of the oldest star

A gift from the clearest sky

Molded from the cup of the vast universe

Made from the spark of a single atom

Enclosed in a human soul

With a chi of a tender heart

The Drummer

Be…

Glide into the abyss
Where colors warble in darkness
Swaying bowing to the squall
Chimes echo the shower of magic
Music tumbles into a waterfall
Your body is more than a clump of ash
The heart beats with the rhythm of the earth
This is your last dance

Canon

I toddle in the stillness of the night
My emotions burst as I walk
The whispers of heaviness cloud the wind
For at the depths of my skips in silence
Within the music of my soul
Trickles the tainted energy of my passion

I dance my heart flowing with passion
Steadily burning throughout the night
Courageously pouring the wonders of my soul
Stunningly embracing my solitary walk
Still, my agitated emotion trumpets in silence
And weaves the musical enfolding of the wind

A Pig's Tale

Once upon a time in a faraway farm

A few days after my birth

I was pink & cuddly

Sweaty and happy

Then the demon came

And cut my tail

My testicles ripped off

Now, pink no more

Just bloody red and sore

No more tails to curl & chase

No more balls to wiggle & wear

Today…

Today

I will grieve

I cry to wash my fears

Today

I will laugh

I smile to honor her years

How Hot Springs Came to Be…

“Run before they catch you!” He shouts as footsteps march closer to the gates.

“How about you?” she asks.

“I’ll be fine… I’ll meet you at the city tower…”

11 o’clock in the evening she waits and he does not come. An hour has passed and a little boy approaches.

“The man from the castle asked me to give this to you”, as he hands a parchment tied in yellow lace.

She unrolls and reads,

‘My dear Hestia, forgive me I cannot appear before you tonight. The King has appointed me Governor of the Western State. We leave immediately at midnight.’

“What way are they taking?” she quickly asks the lad.

“Near the river, the road passing through the tunneled rocks”

“Thank you”, she says, hops on to her horse, and gallops to the forest.

She ties the horse to a tree and runs toward the voices of rolling caravans.

“Alright men, we camp here tonight. We leave at sunrise.” The General shouts as the soldiers set their tents.

She scouts for a familiar face and overhears a heated argument.

“What? You expect me to stay in that area for three years?”

A Love Story

Love, you left me with a big scar
A reminder of the pains we’ve been through
I suffered when you chose to live with me
You crippled me with your weight
And when you said you wanted out!
I was both scared & relieved
Thirteen torturous hours
Every second of kick & jab seemed endless
It was a long fight lasting from morning ‘til midnight
And I was just there battered…
I thought that’s the end until
You finally got out with a knife
I breathed for a day, but the next days…
Horrendous…

Just Love…

Back in college, first day in school as a freshman, instructors would always ask, “Why did you choose this course?” Before Psychology, there was another course lingering in my mind since third grade – Veterinary Medicine. I took Psychology for several reasons, but there was one reason I didn’t openly express at that time. In senior high school, I asked the question, “Do laboratory subjects require you to kill an animal for study and experiments?” And with the answer I got back then, I decided to take Psychology instead. Yet, even in my chosen course, I didn’t expect to deal with Zoology and Anatomy & Physiology subjects that obliged us to skin & pin a frog alive. I just stayed at the background with my heart bleeding while my group mates did the dismantling of the helpless frog.

Water

The Phoenix

Above me, a vast universe
Below, a chaotic Globe
Carried away by the swiftness of color
Darkened by the dance of desire
Evil lurks in the corners of days
Filth all over my crowded chase
Greatness can only devour this bedlam
Hope can only awaken a miserable mind
Indigo shines from the shadows of a rainbow
Jewels ascend beneath the ground